A Moment in Time
Oct. 1st, 2010 09:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anthimeriaThe other day I had to bring work home for the first time since starting my new job, which was frustrating in the extreme. What I needed to do was confusing, tedious, and I only half-understood it--not to mention it had already taken up hours of my time that could've been spent on other things, and then it ate into my free time.
So I brought it home and worked, only to discover that everything I'd done, or most everything anyway, was useless--and I didn't have the equipment at home to do what I needed. I was going to fall behind, I had a big meeting next week, I was the screwup newbie, and I hate being a screwup. It preyed on my mind even after I gave up for the night, knowing there was nothing I could do. Pissed and helpless had taken up house.
Then my alarm didn't go off the next morning.
Frustration doesn't even begin to describe how I felt as I rushed through everything, sure I was forgetting something but with no idea what. I made it almost all the way to work before I realized what it was: my work. Everything I'd brought home the night before, without which I could not do my job.
I had an epiphany, sitting in my car at a red light, waiting to make a U-turn. Nothing worse that was not death and destruction could go wrong. This was as bad as it could get without catastrophe.
It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
My mind calmed, my muscles relaxed, I started to sing along with my music. Absolutely everything had already gone wrong. I would have to deal with it, but I no longer had to keep things from going wrong, I just had to deal with them as they were.
It's amazing the difference tense makes. As everything was going wrong, I was frustrated and unhappy. Once everything had gone wrong, I felt much better.
So I brought it home and worked, only to discover that everything I'd done, or most everything anyway, was useless--and I didn't have the equipment at home to do what I needed. I was going to fall behind, I had a big meeting next week, I was the screwup newbie, and I hate being a screwup. It preyed on my mind even after I gave up for the night, knowing there was nothing I could do. Pissed and helpless had taken up house.
Then my alarm didn't go off the next morning.
Frustration doesn't even begin to describe how I felt as I rushed through everything, sure I was forgetting something but with no idea what. I made it almost all the way to work before I realized what it was: my work. Everything I'd brought home the night before, without which I could not do my job.
I had an epiphany, sitting in my car at a red light, waiting to make a U-turn. Nothing worse that was not death and destruction could go wrong. This was as bad as it could get without catastrophe.
It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
My mind calmed, my muscles relaxed, I started to sing along with my music. Absolutely everything had already gone wrong. I would have to deal with it, but I no longer had to keep things from going wrong, I just had to deal with them as they were.
It's amazing the difference tense makes. As everything was going wrong, I was frustrated and unhappy. Once everything had gone wrong, I felt much better.